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  • beattyslm


Updated: Sep 14, 2020

It is coming up on a year ago that Carly was hit and killed by an intoxicated driver. In one way I can't believe a year has gone by already. Where have I been, the past year has been a blur. I cannot remember much, I was going through the motions of living on auto pilot. I have been only able to live one day at a time and some days I truly don't know how I made it through. In another way, I feel like it has been forever since I've felt Carly's hug, heard her laugh, felt her loving presence. I can't imagine how I am going to keep living and gaining more distance from those things. Life is so unfair! I miss my life with her. She was my joy and sunshine. Life was blissful with her in it.

From the very start of her life she was special. We formed a fast bond being the only females in our house. We had the same love of animals, caring spirit for people, and the same interests. We were very close and involved in each others life. Without her life is very lonely. It is hard to imagine doing everything I used to do with her without her now. I still have not been able to go to the places we used to go or do the things we always did together. For example, Target was her favorite store. We were there two or three times a week just looking around. It's too painful for me to go there now. Even shopping at Kroger is difficult as we usually did the grocery shopping together. I can't watch movies anymore because she I watched them together. Covid has helped me with that as the theaters have temporarily been closed. I miss our talks and sharing each others life experiences. We used to have coffee together in the mornings and talk. We would plan dinner, talk about the week, things we wanted to do or try, new hair or makeup products we liked, and so much more. We walked the dogs together, rode bikes together, read many of the same books and discussed them, and rescued animals together. Although our lives were separate and we were both independent, we always found time for each other and enjoyed being together. She truly was my best friend and I cherished every second I was with her!

That was all life before Carly was killed. She was my joy and sunshine. I am lost now without her. For some reason I am still here having to continue life without her. I hate it, but don't have any choice in the matter. I am still here on this earth and she is not. It is very painful and a struggle waking up each day and realizing that life has changed and will never be the same again. I don't know how to live without her, but unfortunately have to figure it out. Whatever I do, I know my life will be to honor her and memorialize her life. She was an amazing person, sweet, kind, caring, smart, always helping others and animals, always giving grace and loving others. I have a lot to figure out and I'm sure it is going to take time learning to live with a big part of my life gone and a huge whole in my heart. I am thankful for all the love and support from my friends and neighborhood. The random acts of kindness, gifts, texts, cards, and flowers are what help me get through the days. I appreciate them so much and it helps to know that people are thinking of me and my family and praying for us.

I love and miss my joy and sunshine, Carlynn Nicole!

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