A year ago on September 21, 2019 in the evening was the last time I had the privilege and honor of holding my beautiful daughter's hand, kissing her check, and feeling her warmth. I will never forget that day and how painful it was to say goodbye. As tears ran down my face, I tried to be strong for her even though she probably couldn't hear me nor was aware that I was there. I desperately did not want to let her go. I begged God for a miracle to keep her on earth and not to let me live without her. Nothing changed the outcome for me, my family, or Carly.
It's hard to understand the plans for us now. My family's life has forever changed and is no longer carefree and naïve. The plans we had for the future are no more. Everything in our lives have been altered in a way that none of us wanted. I realize death is a part of life, but when random acts occur and are senseless and so hard to comprehend it makes me wonder about the meaning of life and what the purpose is for each of us. The tragedy of a 19 year old young woman who was so happy and had so much to give, makes me wonder. The past year has been a year of living in a state of numbness, anxiety, sorrow, and pain. We have been taking one day at a time and just living through the day with the battle of having a precious family member gone way too soon. The loss is with you always, with no relief. I don't think God wanted this for me, my family, nor Carly. I do believe Carly's death was from evil in this world which was the choice of a man who chose to drive intoxicated. He ended her life way too soon and I hope one day he will understand what an amazing person he took.
I am very sad that I will never get to see Carly graduate from Texas A&M, celebrate her acceptance into Veterinary School, watch her accomplish her goal of becoming a Veterinarian, fall in love and get married, have grandchildren from her, and watch her life progress and make the world a better place. I'm sad for all the animals she wanted to rescue and save, and for the lives of those she hadn't met yet. She had so much to give and wanted to give to others all the time. Without her on earth, evil certainly has gained some advantage in the world. I also know that God will use this tragic loss for His good. I'm not sure what that is yet, but I do trust He will some how, some way, use her death to save someone else.
A year has been such a short time to process the deep grief and loss. It will take a long time to tame the battle of living without her, if ever. Grief doesn't end ever! It's part of my life and my family's life now. I know we each deal differently with it and will always live with the pain and sorrow we try so hard to subside. It will come out when triggered from each of us, and is something we all will have to learn to live with and carry with us. I hope Carly will NEVER be forgotten, and her life and love will be shown through her family, friends, and those that knew her. One day I will be with her again and I look forward to that day very much! Until then, I ask God to help each one of us get through the burden of this astronomical loss.
I miss Carly beyond words and my love for her will never end! I will always love you my sweet sunshine girl!
