"In life there are many kinds of heroes, but sometimes you can be something more than a hero...you can be a survivor." This quote from "An Invisible Thread" by Alex Tresniowski and Laura Schroff has helped me to fight to survive. Living with the daily pain of missing my young adult only daughter leaves me completely empty and with no hope for the future. The struggle to get up each day and find a purpose with this huge loss is a challenge. Accepting that I will never see her achieve her goals that she was working so hard to accomplish. Accepting that I will never get to see her get married and have children. Accepting that my best friend and my mini me is forever gone. My legacy is now forever gone. Accepting that my future will be full of what could have been if she were alive. Trying to understand how life can be so unfair. Living with all this heaviness is exhausting and challenging. It takes an effort and hard choices to get through.
I know I will survive only with God's strength, not because I want to, but because there is no other way. I'm broken to my core and God must be carrying me because I could not keep moving without Him. I don't understand the way God works and why He allowed Carly to be taken by evil. I don't understand why I have to endure such pain and heartbreak. I don't understand how I'm going to keep living without my best friend and only daughter. I don't understand so many things, but with God's powerful hand He is guiding me and keeps reminding me that I will see Carly in Heaven for eternity. I'm looking forward to that day, but until then, I will fight with the help of God and friends to somehow survive this painful existence.