Why, why, why
Updated: Aug 25, 2020
When will the pain end watching college students return to college towns? This year has been heart wrenching for me as Carly should be one of those students. Why, why, why did she get killed! She was walking home after spending time with friends. How does something like that happen and why her? How does an intoxicated driver happen to be driving down the same road, at the same exact time that Carly and her 2 friends were walking off the road? I can't understand how so many things came together to where the intoxicated driver drove off the road right at Carly. I know this is something I will never understand, but it is hard to comprehend. If I knew how this happened, maybe I could stop it from happening to others.
This brings up an entirely new subject of my faith. I was raised Christian and have lived my life according to His ways as much as any sinner can, definitely not perfect! I have prayed for and about Carly from the day she was born. I thanked God every day for her and that He blessed me with such an amazing daughter. I prayed for her life in the present and in the future, for her safety and His guidance for her, for her protection, for her health... the list goes on and on. I valued her and my other two children so much that I was constantly praying for them daily. I rarely went to sleep without asking God to keep all three of my children, asking by name, safe at night and to walk with them and guide them. I prayed and asked for all that the night Carly was hit. I truly slept peacefully knowing God was with her and keeping her safe. I had no doubt that He was with her while I slept.
Wow, did my world rock when I received the phone call that night. My initial thought was NO, God is protecting her. Whatever I was hearing, which was not comprehensible at the time, was not Carly. God was keeping her safe and protecting her from anything evil. Traveling to the hospital and hearing about the severity of her injuries, I knew with all my heart that God was with her. Even during the week in the ICU Trauma unit, I felt God with with her and all of us. I know without a doubt that God gave me time with her before she died. After she passed is when I started to become confused about my entire belief system. What I had grown up believing, the faith that I had been taught, did not correlate with what happened. Since Carly's death I have struggled with this and have been reading and gathering information. Slowly, I am learning more about God and His teachings in the Bible and have learned concepts that I did not understand before. I am continuing to learn and realize this is part of my new journey, which, by the way, I hate!
I want life to go back to the way it was with Carly alive on earth with us. I miss her so much. It's so unfair to her that her life was taken. She was on her way to an amazing future. As I continue my journey with this new life, I imagine her in Heaven surrounded by animals, giving them all her love and affection.
I will always love you sweet Carly!